Julia, thanks for your candor. I can totally relate. Its good to get this out in the open here. And I talk frequently about these issues with my students. So you’re not alone. Here’s a couple of my thoughts on the matter. i don't know if this is the variety of fear you deal with. but here's a little about my disease.
Expectations. I think these are what kill us. At least when they are unrealistic. Or bloated. Basically our pride doesn’t like to under-perform compared to what we think we should be able to do. Some of us are motivated by a perfectionism and are shattered when we even think we can’t achieve it. Some of us are motivated by approval of others and are shattered likewise. My poison is the latter. Trying to live up to some image of my self because I went to such-and-such school and still have to fight the voices of professors in my head who i haven’t seen in years. Its ugly. I have to repent repeatedly.
But its worth it. There’s always a way of escape and righteousness is always sweeter. Sometimes God even prospers our works and they come out pretty decent. Bonus!
So how to combat the fears? Here are a few thoughts. Maybe somebody else can add on. Put on humility. Go into the artwork admitting that it might turn out to be a failure, but I’m gonna do my best to be faithful. Go in light heartedly, trying to not take ourselves so seriously. Enjoy making stuff. And talking to God in the process to keep our thoughts straight. Play a little.
Okay, well, i’m actually up to date on my February watercolors. A lot of misses and a couple successes. i’ll post em on my flickr soon.
Laters,
connie
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2 comments:
thank you so much connie for writing that. it really really served me. especially about "put on humility, i'm gonna do my best and be faithful." i just got a bad response from a client at work today on something i did. i had a bad attitude about it, but BY GRACE i was drawn to the blog and read the recent posts. God is good to give us other people like you guys, even through a blog, to help us along.
"put on humility" -- because that's what Christ did for us FIRST -- even when we were sinners.
oh how THAT puts things into perspective!
amen!
~julia
p.s.
the other thing i really liked about your post is how you battle thinking about 'i went to such-and-such school' and thinking about the opinions of your professors. it's really good to know that someone else struggles with that- but also to read how you process through it is super helpful!
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